11 June 1998
Somewhere between Ginger Spice leaving the Spice Girls and today, I thought to write this. (Well, that and the fact that I haven't written since February.) I got inspired by Matt Azizinari's comments in our guestbook to his ex-girlfriend Cory Murphy, to write this. So here for all to read (and especially Matt), is Jason's 10 crucial points to making a realationship last.
#1-Don't ever, and I mean ever, tell a girl what to do.
This really pisses them off (personal experience). Of course they will do the complete opposite anyway just to show you that they do not have to listen to you. So guys that is the biggest no-no.
#2-Don't smother a girl.
Affection is one thing, but obsession and parenting are two totally different. If a girl feels like you are too affectionate, she'll feel as if you have no life of your own and that your only use on this planet is to worship her. And besides for the few chicks that walk this planet wanting nothing more than to be adored by 1000's, most chicks want you to be a separate entity from them. Be your own person-cause that is what she was initially attracted to, not the asshole who cannot stop drooling over her now. Basically, affection has a stopping point.
#3-Tell a girl the truth.
Women, and this is possibly a direct correlation to the whole menstrual cycle, have a sixth sense about EVERYTHING. Unless they are in math tech, they'll definately know that what you are saying is complete bullshit. So guys to avoid headaches and various other body aches, please tell the truth-especially if you don't want to be with her.
#4-Choose your woman wisely.
Alright so you're hot stuff. Mad chicks are chasing after you and you are the captain of the football team and president of your high school chess club. You have your choice of any cheerleader/model. Choose carefully though, my son. Cause you may think a girl is the best looking girl you've ever seen in your entire life, but her personality might be shit or even worse yet, she may be psycho and like get with you then kill your rabbit (wasup fatal attraction). Then you'll have to pummel her ass until her clothes are out of fashion and you don't wanna have to hit a girl. Which leads me to my next point.
#5- ever hit a girl.
So you think you aint getting any now? Hit her and see if you'll have a penis afterwards. Girls do some whacked out shit these days. And can we really blame them? Some women have gotten the crap beaten out of them for years and finally just got fed up with it. But there are still some out there that just love a good toungelashing every so often or a swift backhand to the mouth every once in a while. I am sure that they don't truly *love* it but these girls keep running back to men probably cause of low self esteem. If you even feel an urge to hit a girlfriend, you should seek some help. If she makes you that angry in the first place, why are you with her? That's always made me laugh....some guy could hit a girl one night and the next day say he's sorry and he didn't know what was going through his mind and all that shit....yet he knows very well what was going through his mind.....guys are just dicks sometimes...sorry ladies.
#6-Obvious: Don't cheat on your lady.
Ok, this is just too obvious but some guys feel it neccesarry to play a girl just cause he can. Guys can be scum, but fear not my vaginized friends, there are loads (no pun) of guys who are super duper rad and would treat ya right. Just keep your ear to the ground.
#7-Never push sex.
Another obvious thing. Dude, if it's gonna happen, it'll happen on it's own. And she might just give you some sympathy sex and regret it for the rest of your relationship. Just let things happen. Plus, if a girl wants to save herself for marriage, respect that man. Cause if you don't, someone else will.
Some guys don't know how to be themselves or even worse, they'll put up a facade just to attract a girl. Dumb move.
#9-It's the little things that count.
Women love it when they don't expect something coming. Well at least if it isn't a fist or something. But the little things really do count, brothers. But you have to use it sparingly, cause if you use it too much, she'll feel like you are unoriginal. So like every once in a while, just tell her how beautiful she is, or send her an e-mail with just nonsense about how rad she is. But it's gotta come from the heart or rule #3 will apply. She will know you are bullshitting.
#10-Never insult her favorite band.
Now I aint just saying this cause I am in Day 19 but I know that any girlfriend of mine would hate it if I just started ragging on her fave group, especially one bushy browed trombone player.
ALL OF THESE RULES CAN BE APPLIED TO THE FEMALE.
10-4 over and out,
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